Anxiety and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

According to researches, individuals with Asperger's tend to have higher anxiety than most people. To quote from Asperger syndrome and anxiety - a guide to successful stress management: "In the general literature on Asperger's, researchers agree anxiety is a major issue for our population." (chap. 1) I confess I have been diagnosed with two anxiety disorders, beside Asperger's and I also have been diagnosed as suffering from Post-Traumatic stress disorder. Anxiety is something I struggled to accept and understand. I am still trying to shed more lights on it for myself. To put this in layman's terms, I struggle to comprehend the feeling of being anxious, worried about everything was not something all surrounding me experienced. I didn't see it as a problem, I mean I have always been that way. Hence, when others would say "you need to relax", "you are too tensed, just relax", I didn't understand. I use to think "what are they talking about? I am fine, I am relax, I am just watching TV."

As I recently was diagnosed, I was informed by the doctor that I suffer from two anxiety disorders. I confess I thought it was a joke. I mean, I have always been that way, worrying about everything. I recall being a child and worrying daily about everything including the reactions of others to my behavior or words, being aware that my parents may die hence wishing I would see them at end of day... Now, I am told not all worry that way, that something is wrong with I: I have anxiety, a disorder. I don't mean to say that most don't experience some form of anxiety, such as stress, though I mean, Anxiety as it dominates my life. As in, I felt I have lived my life in fear (which is often what I have said to friends and family to express how I felt). Reality hit me hard. As you can imagine and comprehend (if familiar with Asperger), I had to understand everything about it before agreeing to just take medication to fix my anxiety. I wanted to know what is anxiety, how does it affect my body, is it harmful to others around me, how do I treat it... I admit I have an abhorrence to taking medication for anything as I comprehend many medications hide side effects. Worst in my opinion, if I need to take medication on a regular basis, how will it affect me on the long run. So here I am, I sought out information, I just acquired a book on the matter: "Asperger syndrome and anxiety - a guide to successful stress management" by Nick Dubin. I just read the first chapter. I am not going to give you a summary though I simply wish to share views as it made me rethink things. 

I comprehend now that I suffer from anxiety, I also know I have PTSD from my unusual childhood (my mother is an alcoholic and was a mean drunk - verbally and physically). Anyhow, I want to get better, I don't want to keep hearing from others: "chill", "just relax"... it really ticks me off, rubs me on the wrong side. 

Anxiety is something that is consuming me. I don't want to be on "flight mode" ready to "fight" all the time. I feel constantly exhausted. I want to live life instead of living in constant fear. I suppose I want to learn to enjoy life, stop worrying about every little things. 

I understand now that individuals with Asperger's are more likely to be affected by anxiety and even develop PTSD as we struggle to understand certain traumatic experiences. We replay them and fear it will happen again. I admit I tend to assume it something occurs once, it is more likely to reoccur. As most people made me feel shamed, I assume others will to. As a result, I chose to withdraw to survive and avoid feeling shamed for my awkward social behavior.