The need to be alone

In the past few weeks, I attempted to challenge myself socially. I always said that I can't handle more than one person at a time. I feel pressured to include all parties in the conversation being challenging for me (I am told I do monologues). Not only is it difficult for myself to concentrate on what one person is saying when I feel nervous surrounded by too many. Anyhow, I can report that even being with a small group (2 other people beside myself) is too difficult for me. I simply feel too overwhelmed and afterward I wish I had opted for my familiar answer: NO! I feel exhausted already when I hang out too long with just one person, so imagine more than one. While I comprehend that it is nobody else's fault, I need space and time to recover from such interactions. People tend to see me as a loner, truth be told, I wish at times I could interact though I get so easily overwhelmed that I elect to avoid most social interactions. One of the reason, I really can't say I have friends. I feel also partially guilty though I can't do otherwise. I tried to socialize in the past weeks with even just one person on a daily basis and I can't deny how many times I felt to myself: "I NEED SPACE", "IT IS TOO MUCH" so I confess I felt rather relieved when that person even cancelled our plan to "hang out" one day. I needed it so bad. Now, understand I am not saying it is that person or other's fault that I can't handle so much, rather it is a "need" of mine. I simply feel depleted of all energy when I interact with anyone. The whole time, I fear I may be too blunt and get into an awkward moment having to explain what I just said or I fear I am doing a monologue as I struggle to perceive the social cues from the other person. In other words, I often leave any social interaction feeling exhausted mentally and afraid as well as anxious that I overwhelmed the other party as much as I may have done something inappropriate (socially awkward). Great, right? You see my point perhaps now as why it is easier to just avoid it all together.