What it is like?

I suppose parents and others who wish to understand what it must be like for us, wonder or have questions. Truth is books can describe it though unless you live it, I don't believe you can truly relate. Little, I remember my dad dropping my sister and myself in the morning at school (elementary school). Once he would leave, I felt alone and out of place. I used to sit on the bench and observe the other kids as I was so confused how they interacted. Other times, I would day dream, probably an escape. I would wonder what was life for the adults. At each recess, I would sit on the bench and stay by myself as I observed from afar my peers. I couldn't understand how they interacted and behaved. I felt at odd. Once I left elementary school, the world of books came to my rescue. Each recess, I would go straight to the library where the librarian always had suggestions for me. I would return each day the book I had finished during the previous night (I had insomnia and drove my sister insane as I had a small light (a clip on) on all night so I could read, she eventually got me kicked out of our bedroom at night and I had to go into the dining room to read). My point is I can't quite describe why I felt at odd with my peers, I always felt inadequate. I avoided relationships as I learned I sucked at them. Kids are extremely mean if you show an ounce of difference. I didn't laugh at jokes, my peers would call me a freak for it... I was better off with my true friends: characters in my books, we would live adventures together and escape this cruel reality. To this day, my books are extremely important to me, they have to be in my bedroom, they are most precious friends. When I moved from Paris to the United States, I brought a suitcase full of books and each return from France, I brought more. I still have my most beloved kids' books: Babar...
While I read Jean Auel's The clan of the cave bear around 10 then discovered Proust and Tolstoi around 13, I still enjoy to this day children stories. Perhaps, because many appears to have a moral where good deed triumphs (strong sense of justice).
Today, as I met with my psychiatrist, we discussed another trait of mine and others like myself: my love for animals. I admitted to her that indeed I love animals more than people though I also, at the risk of sounding insane, feel like I understand them better than people. Animals appear to come to me, I feel safe around them. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats (all rescued). I feel they found me and each day I am grateful for having them be a part of my life.
In my opinion, people are too difficult to understand and very unreliable. I can't control them while animals are "blunt", they are genuine. They either let you in or don't trust you. Now, not to freak anyone with the following though, it is a fact: I have no problem being licked by animals and dislike any physical touch or contact with humans including my family members (even spouse). I absolutely "HATE" being touched especially on my face (feel grossed to me), then as I was in therapy and my face in the neck of my dogs, I realized how strange it is. I don't have a problem being licked by animals (where let's be honest, their tongues have been most places I don't even want to think about) though I find and really "FEEL" grossed out by a simple kiss on the cheek or even a soft stroke (caress) from any human, I feel suddenly the urge to clean up. I am fully aware of this statement sounding contradictory though I can't explain it. It is the strangest thing to me too. And even, I started recently to feel guilty as I truly don't mean to insult my family and my spouse by refusing to be touched by them, while I can be licked all over the face by dogs and even licked on the hand by cats with their sand paper like tongue (and never feel the need to wash neither my face or hands). I absolutely hate shaking hands with people, "FEEL" the need to wash my hands afterward. I don't get it either.
I hope you can forgive our ways and just learn to accept that we certainly don't ever mean to offend you if you clinched at the idea of being touched. We truly can't control how it makes us feel. So, don't ever take it personally.